B-I-N-G-O

February 6, 2010

Happy 66th birthday Momma!!!

Mom at Bingo!!!
She gets sillier with age....and THAT'S a good thing!

Me & Abs....She loved, loved, loved Bingo!

Momma, Hannah & Abs, all set up & ready to start...

Fussing with their crab legs...

Abbi has some serious crab leg cracking skills!

Yesterday was a fabulous day!!

All highs and NO LOWS!!

Woke up to the sun shining and the birds singing...literally!!

Coffee with the husband was very nice fuel for my love tank. Abbi had a friend over and they set up an obstacle course in the front yard for Roxy & Lulu. There was a moment when I was standing out front watching them run around in circles, out of breath, squealing and giggling and wrestling, that it was like....freeze frame....the image before me flooded my heart...like a Hallmark movie moment...and I melted.

Randy was trimming the trees and brought my attention to the fresh, sweet buds on the branches. They popped out overnight. Spring is around the corner...not just in our front yard but in our life.

Sparkling new beginnings.

Preston had a friend that I adore spend the night. That sounds weird, doesn't it? He's just a super cool kid. I was even thinking that he would make a mighty fine son-in-law some day...don't tell Abbi!! For a second I was sad to leave what we have here. What we have here is good. What are we doing?? Then I remembered what my friend said to me...it's good to leave when things are good. And she's right.

I was not going to let the day slip away without a walk in the sun...I desperately need my Vitamin D!! To my surprise...SHOCK would be more accurate...Hannah offered to walk with me. So we walked together. Gorgeous afternoon, glorious sunshine, girl talk. Another freeze frame.

Us girls took my mom out to celebrate her birthday last night. They drug me to the Chinese Buffet...which always means a horrible nights sleep because I am so paranoid that I am going to get sick & die that I wind up tossing & turning & praying all night long for God to please, please, please protect me from food borne illness. But, because I love those people...I went. They ate ten pounds of crab legs. While they fiddled with those silly things, I ate my Hot & Sour soup and I prayed my Chinese food buffet prayers. Silently.

We thought about going to the mall but I decided that we should go play Bingo instead. First of all, I hate the mall. Secondly, I have never played Bingo in my entire life. Thirdly, my mom is now a "senior citizen" and aren't they supposed to play Bingo? Last of all, my friend won the other day...750 bucks!

So we spent the evening at the Bingo hall. It was a hoot! Just look at the expression on my mom's face!! You ain't gonna get that at JC Penney's!

We didn't win any money but we walked away with some unforgettable memories.

Freeze frame.

Gather ye roses while ye may, old time is still a-flying; A world where beauty fleets away....is no world for denying...

February 4, 2010

Happy LOVE month!!

February 14 became one of my most favorite days with the birth of my very own sweet Valentine fifteen years ago, Hannah Grace.

Still, I like Ashton Kutcher's perspective:

"I hate Valentines day!...I think every day should be a day of romance," he says. "Then, on Valentine's Day, you should get to tell whoever you hate that you cannot stand them. There would be one day of hating, and 364 days of love."

Today is my father-in-law's birthday. A few days ago, it was my mother-in-law's birthday and in a few days it will be my mom's birthday! Then Hannah's, then Bailor's!! Whew!!

I am beyond thankful that I have each and every one of these ones that I love in my life and that they are healthy!!

You know that saying...."your days are numbered..."?

I believe that our days here on earth are numbered and I am extremely confused about why we don't live our lives more aware of this fact??

Everything can change...just like that...you know.

I know of a mother of two, in her forties, that passed away unexpectedly yesterday. Last Thursday she was here...with her husband, son, and daughter...going about her daily routine. Today she is gone. Just like that.

I have a beautiful friend that has been diagnosed with cancer. I cannot stop thinking about her precious son, daughter & husband and what they must be feeling right now.

I think of her and I think of me and I am ashamed that I am grouchy, unmotivated, and oblivious much of the time.

My dad suddenly died on May 8 of last year. I cannot let my mind go back to the last time I saw him because it tortures my heart. I keep thinking...

"Hello?? You knew he wasn't well. Inside, you knew that moment could possibly be the last chance to love him....just like you know it every single time you say goodbye to anyone that you love...yet you rush...still....and what in the world for????"

If I could go back to that day, the one thing that I would have done was held his hand as we watched Preston play baseball together.

I would have reached out, taken his hand into mine...and just held on.

The Human Touch

'Tis the human touch in this world that counts,

the touch of your hand and mine,

which means far more to the fainting heart

than shelter and bread and wine;

For shelter is gone when the night is over,

and bread lasts only a day,

but the touch of the hand and the sound of the voice

sing on in the soul always.

Spencer Michael Free

I think that we should all take the advice of the very wise Mr. Kutcher (who would have thought??) and have one day per year to get all of our hating out.

Then we could celebrate 364 days of love.

364 days of expressing our love in sweet little notes, putting the feelings of our heart into action,

and sharing chocolate!

364 days of holding hands...

Ready or not...here we go...

February 1, 2010

WOW.

All I can say is wow.

I could dive into this blog and go one hundred different directions all at once but that might confuse you. Plus my head is already spinning.

So I will try to contain my self.

I'm sure you didn't notice that I failed to blog even once in January.

I sat down numerous times to say something, anything, but...

zip. zero. nada.

I was so in a weird place.

It was a brand new year and everything was wonderful and I needed to be excited when I took out my lovely, fresh calendar full of blank boxes just begging to be filled with marvelous & exciting adventures.

I needed to be filled with motivation and gratitude and clarity and a sense of purpose that would rock this house in 2010 but....

not so much.

I was t.O.'ed too. Because gross...I hate feeling that way.

I'm pretty positive I've never looked older, uglier, yuckier

AND I know I've never felt more blah.

So.

It's going along like this and it's getting closer to the end of the month...time to draw a big fat X over January and flip to February and I am going "really?...just like that the first month of a beautiful new year comes and goes and REALLY??...it's gonna be like this???"

Then. Out of the wild blue...my husband informed me that God informed him that it was time. We were going to start a new life. (NOT a human life!!)

This is the point of the story that could get a little hard to follow because it really makes no sense YET makes all the sense in the world at the very same time.

It's ludicrous and wonderful. It's exciting and terrifying.

I don't want to bore you to tears but I do so want to share my weird news!

Let me break it down.

We have never been more secure financially. (Thank YOU Jesus!!) Never been more grounded, stable, connected to one another.

We seemingly have everything that matters.

Health, our home, lots of love.

But strangely...

we are missing the mark.

What is "the mark" exactly?

Darned if I know but we are absolutely, without a doubt, convinced we are definitely missing it.

We have known this for quite some time.

There have been innumerable signs that God was holding some sneaky plans behind His back. These signs have been totally obvious.

However, we had NO IDEA what to actually do or when to do it so we have just been hanging out...waiting on God to say "go".

We still have no idea what we are doing or how to get it done.

God is still holding the "plans" somewhere out of my personal field of vision.

But the exciting thing is, He has shown us that we are ready for the first big step!!!!!!

It is time. Time for action...whatever that looks like.

This is what God has specifically revealed to us in the past week:

1. There is a ministry/church home for us in Austin, Texas.

2. We are to move to Austin as soon as our house sells.

3. Our house is to be put on the market ASAP. (If you know anyone in the market for a super cool house in Corpus Christi.....)

That's it. That is what we know for sure right now.

God has been so good to us.

We owe him everything that we have and everything that we are.

He had a massive amount of work to do in our hearts and lives to prepare us to be even remotely useful to Him.

It floors me that He would even care to bother.

Yet, He more than cares.

Like I said at the beginning of this post....

wow.

Jeremiah 15:19

"....if you repent, I will restore you

that you may serve me."

I got nothing that I asked for...but everything that I had hoped for

December 29, 2009

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,

I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey...

I asked for health, that I might do greater things,

I was given infirmity, that I might do better things...

I asked for riches, that I might be happy,

I was given poverty that I might be wise...

I asked for power, that I might

have the praise of men,

I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God...

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,

I was given life, that I might enjoy all things...

I got nothing that I asked for---

but everything that I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself, my unspoiled prayers were answered.

I am among all men, most richly blessed.

Christmas HOME.

December 23, 2009

No Place to Go

The happiest nights I ever know are those when I've no place to go,

and the missus says when the day is through:

"Tonight we haven't a thing to do."

Oh! The joy of it, and the peace untold

of sitting 'round in my slippers old,

with my pipe and book in my easy chair,

knowing I needn't go anywhere.

Needn't hurry my evening meal

nor force the smiles I do not feel,

but can grab a book from a near-by shelf,

and drop all sham and be myself.

Oh, the charm of it

and the comfort rare;





Nothing on earth
with it can compare;

And I am sorry for him



who doesn't know

the joy of having

no place to go.

(Edgar Guest)

Life is a dot to dot.

December 17, 2009

Waaaaaaah!!!

ALL I WANTED WAS A CHRISTMAS PHOTO!!

#1. I wanted the whole family in it.

#2. I wanted everyone to look halfway decent.

#3. I wanted everyone to smile.

That is all I wanted.

But what I got??

What I got was...

an Ellison version of the third world war.

That's all.

Hello?? Preston?? I don't know where you think the camera is.

That's ok.
We'll just try again.

Hmmmmm. Hannah would be a waitress if you slipped a towel over her arm.

And Abbi? She's a little distracted by the party taking place to the right of us.

One more time.

Yoooo-hoooooo....Hannah.

Over here.

All six of us, looking in the same direction & smiling for one measly

photograph...yes! actually! It IS too much to hope for!!!

And I can accept that.
I am a realist. We tried. We failed. I can move on in life.

The fourteen-year-old daughter? Not so much.

I just didn't realize how important the annual Christmas picture is to my Hannah.

Until today.

Upon returning home from school, she noticed that we had decided to use a family photo taken earlier this year while we were in NYC as our Christmas card picture.

We tried to get the right shot in November (above pics) but we had a rough time that day!!

Usually, we get a snapshot of the kids in front of the tree...which is what Hannah assumed we would do. Only we hadn't done that yet.

Sooooo, Randy suggested that we keep things simple and use the NYC family pic, I agreed, and that was the plan.

Randy & I had printed and trimmed the pics and sealed up over half of our Christmas cards when Miss Hannah announced that there was NO POSSIBLE WAY that picture was going to be mailed out to the entire world!!!!!!!!!!!!

To which we responded, "Uh. Oh yes. It is." and continued about our business. Since when is it necessary to consult the children about our Christmas picture choice when they make the entire process of getting one a nightmare to begin with????

People.

I am still confused about what happened next.

It's a blur.

I have never seen anyone FREAK OUT to this extent over an unflattering photograph...that wasn't even unflattering!!!

Tears. Screaming. Panic attack. Accusations. We hate her. We are trying to destroy her. We are horrible, evil, demented human beings.

I am not exaggerating.

I totally tried to put her in her place but she was so distraught that it was quite amusing and I honestly could not even keep a straight face...errr....uhh...

an angry face.

As the scene continued to play out,

it became down right hilarious.

I wish you could have been a fly on the wall.

Free entertainment.

Twilight Zone. doo-DOO-doo-DOO-doo-DOO-doo

Bailor jumped in with his two cents.

Preston & Abbi were right behind him.

Randy, poor thing, he is a lover NOT a fighter. He was in shock.

He can barely handle my drama, let alone teenage girl drama.

Let me just tell you. It got ugly.

Screaming, insults, threats, name calling, and yes....even a few punches were thrown.

Wow.

All over a Christmas picture.

or vanity.

or hormones.

or pent up anger.

Whatever the root of the craziness was...it was still the Christmas picture that started the whole thing!

The sad thing is, if it wouldn't have been a Christmas picture, it would have been something else.

Granted, the chaos today was a tad over the top...

but the reality is,

half of the time I feel like I am living on the funny farm!! (that was my dad's word)

And it isn't funny. It's stressful.

What goes on behind our closed doors is...scary.

I am just being honest.

Think about what we're dealing with.

I am extremely emotional and high strung.

Then there's Randy. Extremely non-emotional and oblivious.

Two teen-agers...

Bailor: know-it-all & family critic.

Hannah: tells you how the cow ate the cabbage (my mom's saying) and will chew you to shreds in a New York minute.

Two pre-teens.

Preston: highly annoying & an expert at instigating trouble.

Abbi: sneaky & plays the system (from what I hear from the others...of course she is my baby and I just don't see it)

Three dogs.

Two of which are yappers.

What does that sound like to you???

Remember when I ran away from home in August??

Now you can see why!

As I recovered from WWIII, I was feeling depressed.

Where have we gone wrong?

What in the world kind of madness are these children capable of??

What kind of mother am I???

Why doesn't Randy scare some sense into them????

They all need beatings.

Daily.

Then I remembered a scene from a random (very silly) Ashton Kutcher movie that I caught the tail end of the other night.

The Ashton character was having a hard time figuring out why he and his new wife were fighting so much and why things were going wrong if they were in love with one another.

He was having a heart to heart with his dad and his dad said this to him:

"Some days your mother and me loved each other. Other days we had to work at it. You never see the hard days in a photo album...but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next."

I LOVE THAT!

Think of a dot to dot.

When you look at someone's scrapbook, you don't see the daily struggles that are the lines connecting all of the dots that are the pivotal moments & happy, fun memories.

When you look at my Christmas card picture, you will see only the end result...

the dot

that was that moment when we all smiled and looked at the camera

at once.

The thing is...without the lines,

the dots wouldn't connect.

Kellie + George = not happening in 2010. POO!!!

November 30, 2009

To remind me of my life-long affection for a certain British chap...this is what I must settle for...

a mere photo...

when Mr. bossy husband says NO ma'am, you absolutely may NOT go to that January concert!!!

All because it just so happens to be taking place on another continent.

Like that's anybody's fault. grrrr.

I'm truly disturbed by the injustice of it all.

I mean, you wash, fold, & dry someone's dirty underwear for almost twenty years, you slave in the kitchen practically twenty-four hours per day, you GIVE BIRTH to FOUR of his offspring (one of which was a hair under TEN pounds!!), I could seriously go on & on....and one little old trip to the land down under to see my George is too much to ask??

What-ev-er.

Whatever.

Alls I'm sayin' is I can sooo look like this every single day...from now on.

It would be too easy.

SNUGGLE UP TO THIS, BA-BY!!

Preston

November 28, 2009

This is Preston Luke Ellison...

my November baby.

Here he is with his "date." She's invisible.

Preston is unique.

He pushes my buttons like no one else and loves doing it. Turning me into a crazy person is his hobby. And he's good. He is real gooood.

Oh, but he is my delight!

Preston is sensitive, generous, intense, insightful, hilarious, entertaining, opinionated, zany, and he has a beautiful heart.

He is growing up way too fast. It's killing me.

When he was in kindergarten, he got shingles....a ridiculous, horrid affliction!! The doctor said that it was unusual for someone so young to get shingles and went on to suggest that maybe he was a nervous child. Ha! He isn't nervous, he is passionate. That's what I say!

In 1st grade, he got into trouble every day at school for terrorizing his teacher. That poor woman. I'm positive that she will never forget Preston. When we questioned him about WHY on earth he misbehaved for her, he explaind that every morning he planned to have a good day. He would ask God to help him behave. However, the minute saw his teacher, she would take him over to the "dark side." He said that he always started the day off on the light side but when he got to school found himself going over to the dark side.

What do you say to that?? I thought it was stinkin funny. A little scary...but mostly funny.

In third grade, I became his teacher. We've visited the dark side together. Not fun. Those trips are becoming less and less frequent...which is great...except...it means my ornery little boy is maturing. Sigh.

As proof, I would like to share a little poem that he recently wrote. It's good stuff.

Do you wish upon a star for a palace with a hundred rooms?For a huge pool and servants that tend to your every need? For tables filled with fresh food and cups of every kind of drink you can think of? For the newest toys and the best video games? For all your friends to be jealous of you because of your expensive clothes? For you to be the smartest in the class...all A's, you say? For super powers so you can save the world? But, why have these things?

Did you stop to think of how your life would change??

Why not wish upon a star to be happy with the way things are?

I think that wishing to be happy with the way things are, is indeed, a fabulous suggestion.

Especailly at this time of year.

Don't you?

Thank you, Preston & Abbi, for cracking me up every single day.

November 18, 2009



Ok. It has been a million years since I have blogged. For me to be able to write, I must be inspired. Alas, I have not had many inspirational moments lately. However, tonight, I did have an awesome little laugh.

And I just have to share.

On our last visit to the public library I noticed that they had a sign posted saying:

Chess Club
Wednesday evenings @ 6:30
All ages and skill levels

Well, well. My kids LOVE chess. I brought the sign to Abbi's attention and she agreed that it would be fun for her & Preston to try it out.

(They also have knitting lessons on Thursday evenings. Who knew!)

So, anyway! Today is Wednesday so the plan was for the kids to go to Chess Club at the library at 6:30. Couldn't wait.

When we got to the library I told them to run in and ask what time it the thing ended so I would know when to pick them up.

By the way, I was dropping them off (not staying) because:

a) they were together (buddy system)
b) the library is practically around the corner
c) I needed to go home and be in a house with NO CHILDREN, if only for an hour or so. I NEEDED TO. Oh, how I needed to.

They ran into the library. I waited. And waited. Finally they came out, with somewhat disturbed expressions on their faces. I rolled down the window.

"Well??" I said.

"Ummm. It's all old men in there." they said.

"So??" I said.

"It's kinda weird. There are tons of them." Abbi said. "I don't think I want to stay."

"OH, yes, you do!" I said. "You will be just fine. Now scoot. Just don't go hanging out in the bathroom with anyone. See ya."

"But! Momma..."
...as I drove away.

Am I a horrible human being? I don't care. I seriously needed some time. Seriously.

I no more walk in the door, when...the phone rings. Caller ID says "City of Corpus Christi"

Great.

It's Abbi.

In a hushed, panicky tone..."Come and get us out of here. NOW."

My thinking was...hey, they are at the library, it's full of books & stuff, they can hang out til I finish mopping the kitchen floor...at least.

Approximately ten minutes later, the phone rings again. It's Abbi again. She CANNOT BELIEVE that I haven't left yet AND Preston is ticked off and decided to walk home.

Uh-oh. Not good.

I grab my keys, jump in the car, highly annoyed with the fact that I have children. Grrrrr.

As I near the library, I see Preston hustling down the sidewalk...in the dark, mind you. I drive up beside him, "Just what in the heck are you doing??"

"There you are!! What took you so long??" he pants, looking rather distressed.

"Seriously, Preston? Seriously? It's that big of a deal to just hang out at the library for a few minutes and play chess??"

"You don't understand, Mom! There was a Nazi in there!" he hisses.

"Ya right, Preston. Whatever." How dramatic he is...

"Mom! For real! There was! He had this big, Nazi sign on the front of his shirt...and he was really huge and had a red goatee and a shirt with the arms cut off. And tattoos all down his arms. AND. A bald head. WITH. A tattoo of a skull in the middle of his head!!! He was a Nazi."

By this time we have pulled up in front of the library and Abbi jumps in the car, ranting about the Nazi guy, and all of the "creepy old men" that don't say a word...just sit and stare at each other...oh! and the man with a really skinny, oval face, and also there were lots of bums that must just play chess all of the time. It seems like that is all they ever do, she says.

All righty then.

Wonder what the knitting class is like??

"Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow."

October 14, 2009

In our homeschool, we read. A lot.

I have been reading Preston & Abbi The Secret Garden. I am so loving this book! You have no idea! It is written so beautifully. The characters are endearing and vulnerable and sweet. The setting makes me want to crawl into the story and live it myself.

Getting lost in this book with Preston & Abbi makes me remember why reading quality literature that has stood the test of time is our number one priority.

Sometimes I forget. Sometimes, I am troubled that their spelling does not seem up to par. I wonder if putting off our grammar work (blaaaachh!) for another day is going to put them so far behind that they'll never catch up. Which means they won't know how to talk...or write...right?? I worry that they aren't doing enough "work" because we are always reading.

Then we are blessed by a story like this one.

A story that changes us, makes us better people somehow....a story that becomes a part of who we are....forever.

This type of story calms my fretful heart. It reassures. It inspires.

Each time that I settle down to read with the children, it is a special occasion...we are exchanging gifts.

We are celebrating life.

These memories will be treasured always.

They will live in the secret garden of my heart.

Here is an example of why on earth I would feel the desire blog about this particular book:

One of the strange things about living in the world is that it is only now and then one is quite sure one is going to live forever and ever.

One knows it sometimes when one gets up at the tender solemn dawn-time and goes out and stands alone and throws one's head far back and looks up and up and watches the pale sky slowly changing and flushing and marvelous unknown things happening until East almost makes one cry out and one's heart stands still at the strange unchanging majesty of the rising sun---which has been happening every morning for thousands and thousands and thousands of years.

One knows it then for a moment or so.

And so one knows it sometimes when one stands by oneself in a wood at sunset and the mysterious deep gold stillness slanting through and under the branches seems to be saying slowly again and again something one cannot quite hear, however much one tries.

Then sometimes the immense quiet of the dark blue at night with millions of stars waiting and watching makes one sure; and sometimes a sound of far-off music makes it true; and sometimes a look in someone's eyes.

And it was like that with Colin when he first saw and heard and felt the Springtime inside the four high walls of a hidden garden. That afternoon the whole world seemed to devote itself to being perfect and radiantly beautiful and kind to one boy.

Perhaps out of pure heavenly goodness the spring came and crowded everything it possibly could into that one place.

from The Secret Garden

by Frances Hodgson Burnett

What about LOVE? pt.2

October 8, 2009

This post is a continuation of my last post because I have a bit more to say on the subject...

"What is it all for?"

When I reflect upon all that I have in this life, I am in awe...it's insane how much God has given me.

I am extravagantly blessed.

My most sacred blessings:

I have God in my life to direct me and help me.

I have a hard-working, kind, devoted, dependable

husband who loves his family. Plus, he's cute.

I have four beautiful, healthy, super smart kids that never cease to amaze me. Ever.

We have a cozy, little roof over our heads.

There are six of us and admittedly, it's tight. All four of the children are practically adult size now so it's actually like six adults living in this house!! My poor seventeen-year-old son (man) shares a room with his eleven-year-old brother and sleeps on a little bunk-bed...he's over 6' tall!! So, that's kinda funny. Only, not to him....he isn't laughing. But someday, he may look back and chuckle. He has no reason to complain, however, because he has been loved and doted upon his entire life.

So, there you have just a very few of the abundant blessings in my life.

Randy & I are not perfect parents. Ha! Far from it.

What I have learned (not soon enough) is that our children desperately need us to be there. We sacrifice so that I am able to stay at home, by their sides, loving them along, until it becomes time for them to spread their little wings and fly.

It has been a massive struggle. We could never really "afford" for me to stay home. Indeed, we have been in some major financial pinches and have had to live these years trusting from day to day that God was looking over us and that He will provide.

Matthew 6:31-33

Jesus: "Do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek FIRST his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

The thing is that even though I clearly see God hard at work in my home & family & life...it has never been easy.

I named my blog: "walking on a broken road" because that is what my life has been.

I always end up traveling the broken road. Never the newly paved road. Never the smooth road. Never the highway. Just a little, old, broken up road. That's just the way that it is for this girl.

It would have been (and would still be) a ridiculously miserable journey if I kept my eyes on the road the whole time.

When I focus on how messed up the road is...

I feel like I could die.

It seems that going on is not an option if this is the road that I must to travel upon.

However. When I change my perspective...

when I look into the sky,

and open my eyes to the beauty that surrounds me,

and take the fresh air deeply into my lungs,

thankful for each breath...

When I lift up my heart in worship...

guess what happens??

I forget all about the condition of the road.

I was recently listening to a woman speak about an issue and she said something about taking notice of "the miracles going on in the background" of your life.

I love that!!!

Miracles are mostly found in the background.

Aren't they??

When I take notice of these miracles,

when I remember to appreciate the simplest of blessings,

when I look up instead of down...

fretting about the condition of the road I'm walking on suddenly becomes incredibly silly.

How does all of this tie into what I wrote in my last post?

Well...still keeping it real:

This is what I see in the lives of those

that I know and love:

desperate need for attention & approval

loneliness

sadness

frustration

hopelessness

exhaustion

isolation

no known purpose

and extreme confusion

My guess is, that without realizing it, these sweet ones are on the world's path.

Chasing the illusion.

Thinking that happiness is right around the next corner...

and it never is.

"But everyone is on this path" they say...

"you are looking sort of strange over there" they say...

"It seems to me that success is this-a-way," they say...

And maybe it is.

But maybe

success

is not really

all that it's cracked up to be.

And maybe it's not really where you want to be.

So I ask again,

What about love??

A person can love without putting love first.

Most of us have folks that we love.

Where do these people....

these ones that we love....

land on our "to do" list?

The world says,

"You come first.

You deserve only the best.

Live for yourself.

It's all about you."

This, however, is what Jesus says:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
1 John 3:16 & 18

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.

And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

When you resolve to put love first, everything changes.

Personally, when I quit looking at the world's model of who I should be, and asked my Creator to show me who I was created to be...I finally started living an authentic life.

And as a special bonus, I found peace.

As I began a divine pursuit of what God had planned for

me personally,

and left behind the status quo,

(over-rated anyway)

I felt truly free for the first time in my entire life.

We have choices but society makes it seem as if we don't.

And sometimes "society" is

a friend, a brother, sister, or even mom or dad.

What about that?

I have encountered much criticism about my decision to homeschool my children. It is hurtful and disheartening.

The fact of the matter is, I was called by God to homeschool my children, which makes the bottom line:

This holy calling is more important than anyone's opinion.

God spoke this into my heart:

"Your children are here now,

before you now,

mothering them is not in the future...

it is in the now"

Part of my "mothering" duties entail homeschooling.

I had to let go of what I thought that I wanted...what I assumed that I should be doing so that I could begin to live the life God had prepared specifically for me.

I had to let go of my need for approval,

respect,

and praise.

Putting love first requires sacrifice.

Always great sacrifice.

And always the broken road.